A kiss on the cheek?
All right! Is he FINALLY loosening up to reveal the sex stuff...slowly, tantalizingly? Hey, Ron, you know what they say..."Sex Sells"! If you expect to have a successful book, then you better include some bodice-ripping escapades to get the juices flowing. And...PICTURES; you've got all these pictures! Surely...
Folks...calm thyselves. THERE WAS NO SEX! (Well, okay, let me rephrase that before I lose all credibility. There was no ILLICIT sex!) We only did what any happily married couple is supposed to do. (Well...at least what we did was legal...in most states.) Anyway, our activities were conducted as they should be...BEHIND CLOSED DOORS! (Well...at least out of eyesight...as far as we know.)
Okay...I've had my fun!
No...this story is not about sex. (Well, guess I lost my readership there!)
On second thought, since I lured you in with "a kiss", I guess I could tell you about OUR first kiss. I'm doing this just to prove to you that if you continue reading these stories hoping that you will be titillated by the details of Julie and Ron's sex life...YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME!
Julie and Ron were two sweet, innocent "children". Julie was raised by a morally strict mother who warned her female children that if a boy looked at your legs, you would get pregnant. Ron was raised a cherubic, Catholic altar boy...who was NOT molested by the local priest. Hell, we were sexually repressed! I've already told you that our "first kiss" was the first for each of us...at the advanced ages of 21 and 26! Now you can choose to accept that...or not. It is the absolute truth!!!
Well, on a cold and wintry night, Julie and I went out on a date...an unchaperoned date. Don't remember where we went or what we did. However, at the end of the evening, I drove her back to her house on 34th street. As we sat in the car and talked...not wanting to part each other's company...you could literally feel the electricity building. (I thought it was just me, but months later, she related the same story. Of course, in light of the doo, dee, doo, dee stories that I have already posted, I'm sure the source of the electricity was none other than Julie Newell!)
Well as the (sexual?) tension is building, Julie turns to me and says "Do you see that?" I'm confused...all I see is this beautiful young lady sitting next to me who is making every hair on my body stand on end. So, I ask "What?" Julie motions toward her house. As I look toward the house, I see tiny heads in an upstairs window. At least some of Julie's sisters - MY future sisters-in-law - have awaited her return...hoping to catch a glimpse of "something". I turn back to Julie and say "We need to go someplace and talk." Whereupon, I put the car in gear and drive. To us, it never made any difference where...we just drove.
I drove out of Cairo...always a smart thing to do...and headed north on Highway 51. As I pass Urbandale, I'm trying to think of what to do next...and don't have a clue. (Here is a 26-year-old adult male trying to work up his nerve to kiss a girl for the first time. TALK ABOUT REPRESSED!!!) Anyway...I know I can't just drive around all night...for one thing "the parents" expect their daughter home at a decent hour. So I pull off the road. Julie says "What's wrong?" Laugh if you will, but I used the old "We just ran out of gas" line! Okay...but laugh at this also...SHE BOUGHT IT! Sweet, innocent, and dumb...both of us; shall we soften that a bit and say "naive".
Okay...said this wasn't about sex...and meant it. Let's just say that shortly after we "parked", we shared our first kiss. Folks, we may have been sweet, innocent, and dumb/naive, but we were quick studies! DAMN, that girl could kiss! And, instead of putting myself down as I usually do, she accused me of having had previous practice...so I guess maybe I wasn't too shabby!
If you ever want to visit the site of Julie and Ron's first kiss, it's easy to do...they put up a historical marker! Nah...not for us...its the historical marker just north of Urbandale...about the founding of Cairo.
A final note about our first kiss...it was NOT "a kiss on the cheek"!
Then why the title of this piece?
Let me tell you the story...
Julie and I started going to Florida every summer for vacation...getting a condo on the beach on Sanibel Island, just across from Ft. Meyers. That way, we could spend our days watching the ocean but not having to expose Julie to too much sun. After a hectic school year, we just wanted some quiet time. Julie was an avid reader...reading more than one book a day, and often reading 2 or 3 books at a time. It might take me a couple or three days to read one book, but we enjoyed the serenity.
Well, one year, Julie decided that instead of a condo on the beach, she wanted a house with a pool. Julie loved water, but swam like a rock. She figured this would be better and safer...that she could stay on the shallow end and we would both like the solitude not always available at the beach. (Solitude...as in "behind closed doors"? Hmmmmmmmm...)
So, that's what we did. It was a really nice set-up and we enjoyed the first couple of days. On the third morning, some workers showed up and dug up the front yard...evidently to replace a sewer line. Nobody ever told us about any of this. It didn't really interfere with the house or the pool, but it kind of ruined the vacation atmosphere. Oh, well...
Sometime during this period, Julie and I decided to venture out...either to go buy groceries, go to a movie, buy some more books...don't really remember. I also don't remember what the "fight" was about! I think it was one of those eternal battles between husbands and wives...probably the "asking directions" battle.
Whatever! At some point during our "discussion", I put my foot in my mouth by stating in an exasperated tone "Well, let's just go home!" I meant back to the rented house; she thought I meant Cairo. In retrospect, it probably didn't make any difference to Julie. End of conversation...for days! (Yes, that was one of the "couch times". Actually, I lucked out because there were two bedrooms, but somehow I didn't feel very lucky.)
It's strange how two people who love each other - would literally die for each other - can become embroiled in a "life or death" struggle over who was right and who was wrong in an argument that neither remembers how it began!
Anyway...there was a lot of silent reading taking place in that house...most of the time behind closed doors...separate closed doors.
A couple, three days later, Julie comes out of HER bedroom and walks into the kitchen...without saying a word. She then goes into the bathroom, with me just as determined not to acknowledge her presence as she went by.
After a few minutes, there is this piercing scream!
Startled, I get up from the couch just as she comes running out of the bathroom with a look of absolute horror on her face. I say "What's wrong?" Julie points toward the bathroom and says "There's a giant frog in the bathroom!" I think "Yeah, just like a woman, always turning tiny little mice into GIANT RATS." When I say something along the lines of "Okay, okay...it's not a big deal!" Julie places her hands on her hips, looks me square in the eyes, and says "Well, you weren't sitting on the stool when he leaped out of the water either!"
Evidently, when the workers tore out the old sewer line and installed a new one, a frog - and he WAS a big sucker...must have been at least 6 inches across AND WHITE - got trapped in the line and went looking for an exit. And when he went to make his exit, he jumped right up and "kissed" Miss Julie right on her (butt) cheek!
Being the valiant prince that I am, I went into the bathroom and captured the beast and removed him from the premises.
In retrospect, I should have kissed that frog...because it broke the ice that had formed over our Florida vacation. We went back to living, laughing...and, yeah, loving!